Just Another Day In Shin Makoku
by JinJinnieJitsu
Summary: Formerly known as 'KKM Quick Ideas', changed the name. Funny daytoday events in each of the character's lives. No real sense of plot, just plain out attempts at humour. Enjoy!
1. Look Before You Leap

**Just a quick idea. There may be more if I ever think of any.**

**Anonymous reviews are enabled, if you'd like to flame a rabid fangirl...**

**I don't own Kyou Kara Maou or any of the characters, much as I'd love to (especially Wolfram XD). Tomo Takabayashi owns all. **

**EDIT: Rewrote some parts and changed rating to M.**

**- - - - - -**

**Chapter One: Look Before You Leap.**

Wolfram had had enough. Yuuri was seriously pissing him off, so much that it wasn't even funny anymore. Not that it'd ever been exactly hilarious in the first place.

But seriously, that stupid Maou kept dodging all his advances, ignoring his come-ons and just generally acting like a little kid. And it'd been going on for way too long.

Furious, the blonde-haired bishounen stomped down the hallway, green eyes flaring, hips swaying slightly. Although he was unaware of it, he'd caught the attention of every passing maid and even the odd guard.

Yuuri had said he'd be busy discussing the country's alliances with Gwendal in the meeting room. Apparently, some of the allies seemed to be making shady deals with other countries.

Well, he didn't give a damn, those other countries and one stressed-out Gwendal were gonna have to wait. Yuuri was going to be his, and he didn't care if he had to do it in front of everyone. He was that determined.

He stood in front of the double doors and pushed. Both doors flung wide open, and Wolfram took a few steps (stomps?) in. Bracing himself, breathing hard, eyes shut in concentration, he began shouting like there was no tomorrow.

"I LOVE YOU YUURI! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A CHEATING, COWARDLY WIMP, I STILL JACK OFF JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOD DAMN IT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO FUCK YOU HALF THE TIME I'M WITH YOU-"

"Ahem."

Wolfram opened his eyes, and as his vision returned, he surveyed the people in the room. There was Gwendal, Conrad, Gunter, Murata, Yosak, Annissina and even little Greta. Everyone was there.

Everyone but Yuuri.

Wolfram swore under his breath, turning beetroot upon realizing what he 'd just said.

Everybody except Gwendal and Greta appeared totally shocked beyond belief. The little girl was confused, and Gwendal simply looked pissed. It looked like he was the one who'd cleared his throat earlier.

After an awkward silence, Gwendal finally spoke, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

"Wolfram, Yuuri felt a little ill and has retired to his room. Also, please don't use that kind of language in front of your own daughter, as good as it may be to know that you'd like to start a healthy sex life with your fiancée. And just to clarify, you are not my brother."

"Papa, what does 'fuck' mean, and who's this 'Jack Ov' person? Did he hurt Yuuri? And what's a 'sex life'? Is it dangerous?" Greta looked like she was about to cry, being bombarded with so many new terms.

Looks like it really wasn't Wolfram's day.


	2. Listen and Learn

**For those who don't already know - Gisela is Gunter's adopted daughter. Just to get rid of any potential confusion.**

**Other messages are at the bottom; thanks to those who reviewed!**

**EDIT: Rewrote parts. **

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**Chapter 2: Listen and Learn.**

Carrying various documents, Gunter was delivering some messages to the other side of the castle. And for once, he didn't really mind. In fact, he was relieved.

After that somewhat embarassing incident with Wolfram (who knew the brat could use such language?), the golden-haired prince had run out of the room, his face a burning red, Conrad had burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter and had promptly excused himself from the meeting, along with Murata, Yosak, and Annissina. Greta had been asking funny questions, and if Gunter were to pick between paperwork or explaing the bird and bees to a child, he'd choose the paperwork anyday. Bringing Gisela up had told him that.

And so, Gunter had basically scarpered out of there, leaving Gwendal to destroy Greta's innocence.

As he strolled down the castle corridor, he noticed a small crowd outside Yuuri and Wolfram's room. Conrad, Annissina, Yosak, Murata and the group of fangirly maids were all leaning against the door, listening to whatever was going on inside. Conrad and the maids were giggling.

"Looks like they're really going to do it!" Someone was whispering.

Now, this sounded interesting. Gunter lay down the documents and pressed his ear against the old double doors. It wasn't the norm for him to eavesdrop, but if this was what he thought it was... well, maybe ignoring a few morales just this once might be okay.

"Wolfram, are you sure you want me to do this?" Yuuri's voice was soothing, gentle.

"...Will it hurt?" the demon prince seemed a little scared.

"No matter how it's done, it'll hurt a little. You'll get over it pretty quick, though. Look, I'll get some oils out. It's good for this sort of thing." Rustling was heard as Yuuri was rifling through a bag. "Which do you want? I've got a whole range of them here."

"W-what do the oils do?"

"They simply make things smoother so it'll hurt less and if you're lucky, you won't bleed. Much."

"Bleed?!"

"Just teasing ya! Can't you take a joke?" Yuuri chuckled.

"...Wimp."

"Anyway, we're doing it now. Let's get you you out of that shirt. Need me to help you?"

"N-no! I can do it myself!"

Small movements were heard. Then the bedsprings groaned as weight was transferred onto it.

"I've applied the oil - there, that's already better, right? I'm gonna start now." Yuuri sounded a little happier than before.

It went quiet again, Gunter noticed out of the corner of his eye that one of the maids had fainted. It also felt like his nose was bleeding. He carelessly wiped at it with his robe, when suddenly -

"A-ah! Yuuri!"

"Are you okay? I did mention that it would hurt a bit."

"I-I'm not sure if I could go through with this..." The demon prince was sniffing. It sounded like he was crying. The big baby, Gunter thought.

"Now's the best time to do this sort of thing. Conrad told me."

Outside the door, all eyes turned to Conrad, who went a bright cherry red. So, what _had _Yuuri's greatest role model been teaching to him?

Gunter's nosebleed didn't look as if it would be stopping anytime soon. His attempts to stem it with his clothes didn't seem to be working.

He also noticed that the door seemed to be sagging under the weight of so many people.

"Look, Wolfram, if you really don't feel up to it, we can try again later..."

"No! It has to be done right here, right now! Otherwise I'll never-"

"Fine. I'll try this one more time, since you wanted it, so don't even think of chickening out. Try changing your position so I can angle it better. It'll probably hurt even less that way."

Everyone outside was breaking a sweat in anticipation. More bedsprings groaning.

"It still hurts, Yuuri..."

"It's all right, just a little more... Getting there..."

"I'm closing my eyes! Not sure how much more I can take..." Wolfram was gasping, his breaths irregular.

Gunter's nose was a bleeding, blood-red fountain. He hoped the maid directly below him didn't notice the growing stain on her uniform...

"A-ah! Yuuri! I-"

"Hang in there! I'm almost done!"

"AAH! YUURI!"

Just then, Gunter felt what seem to be a small cannonball barrage onto his upper back. The only thing was that this particular cannonball had arms which were wrapped around his neck and babbling excitiedly. As far as he knew, cannonballs did not talk. Or did they? He couldn't recall. Wow, his thought process had really gone out of whack. Was he losing that much blood?

"Gunter-sama!" He realized that voice could only come from little Greta. "I know what 'fuck' means! And 'sex life'! Gwendal-sama told me everything, Daddy won't believe how much I've learned today! Hey, why's everyone outside Yuuri's door? And when did you get a red robe?"

Above the non-stop twittering of the girl, Gunter, heard something else. The old hinges of the door had broken. The latest addition of Greta's weight had been to much for it all to take.

A dynamic crash revertebrated all through the castle as the group of eavesdroppers and a small babbling cannonball fell one on top of another and into the bedroom of the Maou and his demon prince.

Gunter was on top of the pile, and Greta was hanging onto his neck. He could smell herbs, and looked up towards the bed.

Wolfram, with his shirt partly off, was the only one lying there, tears welling up in his eyes. Yuuri was seated on a chair beside him, fully clothed and holding a pair of tweezers in one hand and one of Wolfram's hands in the other. A few open bottles were sat on the bedside table - Gisela used them to carry her herbal remedies. That's where the smell was coming from.

"What the-" That was Wolfram.

"Damn it, you guys! I'd almost got it out, and it was hard anough to concentrate with this scaredy cat squirming about!" Yuuri was annoyed, and was using the tweezers to point out a rather large and angry-looking splinter sticking out of Wolfram's hand.

So _that's_ what they were doing.

"Who're you calling 'scaredy cat'? If you want one, look in the mirror!" Wolfram was roughly wiping the tears from his eyes.

"That would be you - thanks to you staring at it day and night, I don't even get a chance to brush my teeth, wash my face or comb my hair properly! Besides, with all the weird magicks and stuff lying around here, if I looked in the mirror I'd probably turn into a frog or something."

Yuuri was really not happy. If Wolfram wasn't careful, he'd find himself facing the Real Maou (the one with the water-dragons) and ending up with more than just a splinter to worry about.

The maids that were still concsious had snuck out of the room, bringing the not-so-conscious ones with them.

"And here, it looked like you'd finally scored." Murata grumbled from underneath Gunter. Gunter got off the pile and started to brush himself off, and a giggling Greta finally let go and ran towards her parents.

"Yeah," Yosak agreed from the bottom of the pile. "We thought you guys had gone and done it. And it would've been about time, too."

"Huh?" Yuuri and Wolfram put their 'lover's' tiff on a haitus to try and work out what the _hell _was going on. They'd only just grasped the fact that a group of people had literally come crashing into their room, and that the door was now more like a fancy plank on the floor.

Greta gasped.

"Oh, I know! Yuuri and Wolfram were fucking! But I don't see-"

"Where did you learn that word?!" Yuuri couldn't believe his ears. Gunter groaned and held his head in his hands. What in Shin Makoku had Gwendal told her? Did he really tell her what it all meant? Didn't he know you were supposed to _lie_ until they were old enough to work it out for themselves?

Wolfram cheeks had gone pink.

"Wolfram shouted it, as well as some other stuff, then ran out the room, and nobody would tell me what it meant, and I had to promise Gwendal-sama six cookies, four cupcakes and a drawing before he would say anything." Greta pouted.

"He gets _six _cookies? Lucky fella!" Wolfram blurted out. Everyone turned and stared at him quizically. "What? She makes good cookies!"

"Sugary treats aside, when exactly did you find it alright to go yelling swearwords, and around our daughter especially?" Yuuri was slowly becoming angry again.

"You started it, wimp." Wolfram went into a huff, remembering the reason he got himself into such a mess in the first place.

Meanwhile, Conrad, Annissina, Yosak and Murata had got up and snuck away. Gunter was last to leave. A fight between parents shouldn't be interfered with, he thought to himself as he blocked up the last of his nosebleed.

Come to think of it, he had important papers to deliver, didn't he?

Oh, what the heck.

- - - - - -

**What were you thinking? Haha.**

**Sorry if the 'suggestion' of what they thought was going on in the room wasn't obvious enough... Any tips? Please say if you spot any spelling/grammar mistakes.**

**phantome101 and Assarishita: Thank you! **

**AlexeiStukov: Well, I'm too scared to write a full-out lemon, so there goes the 10/10 - Thanks for all the alerts, though! And thanks for pointing out the grammar mistake. **

**PS. Red is totally the new black.**


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